Pants on Fire

by Dick Dunbar

The deer camp was in a remote area in eastern Oregon.  It only made sense to bring extra pants in case they were damaged.  It was early in the morning when I saw Scott standing next to the wood stove in his underwear and naturally asked why he was not wearing his pants.  He said that nature called during the night and he was unable to make it to the latrine in time and relieved himself in his pants.  He then discovered that he had brought no extra pants.  During the cold night he washed them in a nearby stream and hung them next to the wood stove.  My fellow hunter went back to sleep thinking his pants would be clean and dry come morning.  He awoke to discover he had put them to close to the wood stove and large holes were burned in them.  Nobody in camp had an extra pair that fit him.  He therefore wore this ugly burned pants for the next 5 days.  The laughter provided observing him was hysteria  He looked like a homeless tramp and was very embarassed.  His fellow hunters took special delight in teasing him.